RELATE Premarital Questionnaire Part 3 - Couple Traits
Copyright by Jeffry Lawson (2000)
The following part of the RELATE Premarital Questionnaire assesses two important things: similarity between you and your partner and communication between you and your partner. If you are not in a relationship currently, imagine a past relationship or an ideal relationship to answer the questions requiring so. Use this score sheet to manually score yourself. I recommend you read the Explanations of Results for Part 3 linked at the bottom of this questionnaire as you evaluate your score sheet.
Couple's Similarity of Attitudes, Values, and Traits
On the following items, rate how much you and your partner agree with each other about the following statements. For example, if you and your partner agree with each other 100 percent of the time, you should circle "We Strongly Agree". If you agree with each other 50 percent of the time, you should circle "We Neither Agree nor Disagree". If you agree with each other 0 percent of the time, you should circle "We Strongly Disagree".
Note that this assessment measures your agreement with each other and not with the statements themselves: if you both regard a statement as untrue for you, you would still circle "We Strongly Agree".
Use the following scale to answer items 1 - 31 (excluding 19, 20, 24 and
25).
|
Normal Scoring |
|
1 - We Strongly Disagree |
|
2 - We Disagree |
|
3 - We Neither Agree Nor Disagree |
|
4 - We Agree |
|
5 - We Strongly Agree |
How much do you and your partner agree with each other that ...
1) Being married is the first or second most important thing in life.
2) Divorce is not an option.
3) Marriage involves a covenant with God, not just a legal contract recognized by law.
4) A husband should help out some with housework, but a wife should organize what needs to be done and when.
5) Mothers have more natural ability than fathers in relating to infants and toddlers.
6) If a husband and wife disagree about something important, the wife should give in to her husband because he is the main leader of the family.
7) It would be acceptable for the husband to stay home to care for young children while the wife earns the paycheck.
8) The husband's and children's needs should come before a job or career for a wife.
9) A mother should feel free to pursue a career or job even when there are preschool children in the home.
10) Money may not buy happiness in a family, but it sure doesn't hurt.
11) It is important that the family has the finer things in life.
12) It is important to earn an income that makes the family financially well off.
13) It creates problems for spouses if they go for a few days without spending much time together.
14) In a marriage, having time alone is more important than togetherness.
15) Married couples do not need to share many recreational interests or hobbies with each other.
16) Sexual intercourse is the most bonding experience you can have in marriage.
17) Sexual intercourse in marriage is as much a duty as a source of personal pleasure.
18) Sexual intercourse in marriage is a key to marital satisfaction.
19) I desire to have sexual intercourse with my spouse about (fill in the blank) times per week.
20) My partner desires to have sexual intercourse with me about (fill in the blank) times per week.
21) Using artificial or chemical birth control methods are acceptable in marriage.
22) Permanent birth control through surgical operation for either husband or wife is acceptable if my spouse and I decide to have no more children.
23) A couple should delay having children until other important issues are worked out first.
24) I desire to have (fill in the blank) children.
25) My partner desires to have (fill in the blank) children.
26) Sharing my feelings and concerns about our relationship with family members and/or friends is okay.
27) Seeking help and advice from a professional counselor or clergy person for problems we have in our relationship is okay.
28) Keeping our relationship problems just between the two of us is best.
29) Spirituality is an important part of life.
30) Prayer is important.
31) Some doctrines or practices of your church (or religious institution) are hard for you to accept.
Couple's Background Similarity
Use the following scale to answer items 32 - 37.
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0 - Not Similar |
|
1 - Somewhat Similar |
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2 - Similar |
How similar are you and your partner on these background characteristics?
32) Race 33) Religion 34) Socioeconomic background 35) Education level 36) Intelligence 37) Age
Couple's Length of Acquaintanceship
38) Approximately how many months have you and your partner known each other?
39) Approximately how many months will it be from now until you and your partner get married?
Couple's Experiences With Living Together
40) Are you currently or have you in the past lived together with your current partner for the primary purpose of sexual intimacy? (YES or NO)
41) Are you currently or have you in the past lived together with your current partner for the primary purpose of finding out whether you as a couple will get along? (YES or NO)
42) With how many other opposite-sex partners have you lived with in the past for the purpose of sexual intimacy or finding out whether you as a couple got along? (fill in the blank)
43) Are you currently living together now and both of you plan to marry each other? (YES or NO)
Couple's Experiences With Premarital Pregnancy
44) Are you or your partner pregnant? (YES or NO)
45) Do you or your partner have children from a previous relationship? (YES or NO)
Your Communication Style
Use the following scale to answer items 46 - 57. Please
note reverse scored items are scored differently and are indicated by red
font.
|
Normal Scoring |
Reverse Scoring |
|
1 - Strongly Disagree |
1 - Strongly Agree |
|
2 - Disagree |
2 - Agree |
|
3 - Undecided |
3 - Undecided |
|
4 - Agree |
4 - Disagree |
|
5 - Strongly Agree |
5 - Strongly Disagree |
To what extent to you agree with the following statements?
46) In most matters, I understand what my partner is saying.
47) I understand my partner's feelings.
48) I am able to listen to my partner in an understanding way.
49) When I talk my partner, I can say what I want in a clear manner.
50) I struggle to find words to express myself to my partner.
51) I discuss my personal problems with my partner.
52) In most matters, my partner understands what I am trying to say.
53) My partner understands my feelings.
54) My partner is able to listen to me in an understanding way.
55) My partner can say what he or she wants to say in a clear manner.
56) My partner struggles to say what he or she wants to say in a clear manner.
57) My partner discusses his or her personal problems with me.
Your Conflict Resolution Responses
Use the following scale to answer items 58 - 69.
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1 - Never |
|
2 - Seldom |
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3 - Sometimes |
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4 - Frequently |
|
5 - Always |
Rate the manner in which you and your partner resolve conflicts.
58) When I'm unhappy with my partner, I consider breaking up.
59) When I'm irritated with my partner, I think about ending our relationship.
60) When I'm dissatisfied with our relationship, I consider dating other people.
61) When my partner says or does things I don't like, I talk to him or her about what's upsetting me.
62) When things aren't going well between us, I suggest changing things in the relationship in order to solve the problem.
63) When my partner and I are angry with one another, I suggest a compromise.
64) When we have problems in our relationship, I patiently wait for things to improve.
65) When there are things about my partner that I don't like, I accept his or her faults and weaknesses and don't try to change him or her.
66) When my partner is inconsiderate, I give him or her the benefit of the doubt and forget about it.
67) When my partner and I have problems, I refuse to talk to him or her about it.
68) When I'm really bothered about something my partner has done, I criticize him or her for things that are unrelated to the real problem.
69) When I'm upset with my partner, I ignore him or her for a while.
Explanation for Results Part
3