RELATE Premarital Questionnaire Part 1 - Individual and Relationship Contexts
Copyright by Jeffry Lawson (2000)
The following part of the RELATE Premarital Questionnaire assesses the context of your relationship. It measures personal context, traits and attitudes from your past which could influence your current relationship and it measures relationship context, factors currently surrounding you and your partner that could influence your relationship. If you are not in a relationship currently, imagine a past relationship or an ideal relationship to answer the questions requiring so. Results are discussed in terms of finding what about you and your relationship are assets, factors that predict marital success and liabilities, factors that predict marital failure. Print this score sheet to manually score yourself. I recommend you read the Explanations of Results for Part 1 linked at the bottom of this questionnaire as you evaluate your score sheet.
Use the following scale to answer items 1 - 18. Please note reverse scored items are scored differently and are indicated by red font.
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Normal Scoring |
Reverse Scoring |
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1 - Strongly Disagree |
5 - Strongly Disagree |
|
2 - Disagree |
4 - Disagree |
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3 - Undecided |
3 - Undecided |
|
4 - Agree |
2 - Agree |
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5 - Strongly Agree |
1 - Strongly Agree |
Overall Evaluation of Your Family Processes
1) From what I experienced in my family of origin, I think family relationships are safe, secure, rewarding , worth being in, and a source of comfort.
2) From what I experienced in my family, I think family relationships are confusing, unfair, anxiety-provoking, inconsistent, and unpredictable.
3) We had a loving atmosphere in our family.
4) All things considered, my childhood years were happy.
Your Parents' Marriage
5) My father was happy in his marriage.
6) My mother was happy in her marriage.
7) I would like my marriage to be like my parents' marriage.
Your Father-Child Relationship
8) My father showed physical affection to me by appropriate hugging and/or kissing.
9) My father participated in enjoyable activities with me.
10) My father and I were able to share our feelings on just about any topic without embarrassment or fear of hurt feelings.
Your Mother-Child Relationship
11) My mother showed physical affection to me by appropriate hugging and/or kissing.
12) My mother participated in enjoyable activities with me.
13) My mother and I were able to share our feelings on just about any topic without embarrassment or fear of hurt feelings.
Current Impact of Family on You and Your Relationships
14) There are matters from my family experience that I'm still having trouble dealing with and coming to terms with.
15) There are matters from my family experience that negatively affect my ability to form close relationships.
16) I feel at peace about anything negative that happened to me in the family I grew up in.
Your
17) My parents currently encourage me to be independent and make my own decisions.
18) My parents currently try to run my life.
Your Parent's Conflict Management Style
19) My parents argued often and hotly. There were a lot of insults back and forth, name-calling, put-downs, and sarcasm. They didn't really listen to what the other was saying, nor did they look at each other very much. One or the other may have been quite detached and emotionally uninvolved, even though there may have been brief episodes of attack and defensiveness. There were clearly more negatives than positives in their relationship.
How often did your parents use this style?
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1 - Never |
2 - Rarely |
3 - Sometimes |
4 - Often |
5 - Very Often |
Impact of Abuse in Your Childhood
20) Sometimes in families conflicts can lead to physical acts that are violent. These acts may include slapping, pushing, kicking, hitting with fists or objects, or other types of violence. Considering all of your experiences while growing up in your family, how would you rate the general level of violence in your home?
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1 - There was never violence in the home. |
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2 - There was rarely violence in the home. |
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3 - There was sometimes violence in the home. |
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4 - There was often violence in the home. |
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5 - There was very often violence in the home. |
21) Sometimes in families sexual activities occur that are inappropriate.
these acts may include a parent, sibling or other family member fondling a
child, engaging in sexual intercourse with a child, or some other type of
inappropriate sexual activities. Considering all of your experiences while
growing up in your family, how often did one or more of these inappropriate
sexual activities happen to you?
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1 - Never |
2 - Rarely |
3 - Sometimes |
4 - Often |
5 - Very Often |
22) How often was someone outside your family (not your current partner) sexually abusive to you?
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1 - Never |
2 - Rarely |
3 - Sometimes |
4 - Often |
5 - Very Often |
Your Parents' Mental Health
23) In your immediate family while you grew up, how often did your parent(s) experience emotional problems such as serious depression, anxiety attacks, eating disorders, alcohol or drug abuse, or other mental or emotional problems?
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1 - Never |
2 - Rarely |
3 - Sometimes |
4 - Often |
5 - Very Often |
Your Personal Characteristics
24) How old do you project that you will be when you get married?
25) How old will your partner be?
26) What will be your estimated yearly gross income when you get married?
27) What will be your estimated debt when you get married?
28) Estimate how many years of education after high school you will have completed when you get married.
29) Estimate how many years of education after high school your partner will have completed when you get married.
Parents' and Friends' Approval
Use the following scale to answer items 30 - 35.
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1 - Not at all |
2 - Somewhat |
3 - Mostly |
4 - Entirely |
5 - Don't know |
How much do the following people approve of your relationship?
30) Your father 31) Your mother 32) Your friends
33) Your partner's father 34) Your partner's mother 35) Your partner's friends
Internal and External Pressures
36) In your current relationship, who is moving faster toward marriage?
1 - I want to get married much more than my partner.
2 - I want to get married a little more than my partner.
3 - My partner wants to get married a little more than I do.
4 - My partner wants to get married much more than I do.
5 - We are both moving fast.
6 - Neither of us is moving fast.
7 - Does not apply.
37) How much pressure to get married from others besides your partner do you feel right now?
1 - No pressure 2 - Some pressure 3 - Much pressure