CHILD ABUSE

Hello, please sit back and give me your attention, and listen to a childhood story, my own childhood story. I was 1 1/2 to 2 years old and my brother was 8 years old. My parents had been married for 8 1/2 years when my nightmare started. I was your normal little blond headed blue-eyed little girl who played hard during the day. But after that big black sky filled with what I use to call "fire flies," I grew very afraid. My dad who was a rather large man who wore cowboy boots appeared to be as kind as anyone you would ever meet. But step into my world after dark to see his abusive side appear. Dinner would always consist of my mom, my brother, and myself. But after our baths and our nightly activities, we would hear the door sling open and face my dad, who was as drunk as a skunk. If he didn't like the clothes my mother was wearing, he would slap or throw her against the wall. If my brother or I happened to be in his path he would slap, kick, or throw us against the wall as well. I have many scars, emotional scars. But I will never forget the incident that has never been able to leave my conscience.

I remember this incident as if it were yesterday. I was playing in my room one day and I was bored, so I decided to become an artist. I had freshly painted white walls in which I found to be way to drab. I took my crayons out of my toy box and began to draw lines and circles and all sorts of designs. When I was almost done, my father entered my room and saw what I had done. He was very upset and fire filled his rounded face. He stormed out of the house to a small tree in our front yard. It is there that he broke off a small limb. I was scared of what he was fixing to do to me, but I couldn't scream it would only make things worse. He tore all of my clothes off and bent me over my bed, and lashed me from the back of my neck to the bottom of my ankles. I was bruised, welped, and bleeding. My mom was across the street visiting my aunt. My older brother watched me as I screamed while getting beat. He ran out of the house to go get my mother. She ran back over to the house and found me in a horrible condition. I hurt so bad. I had to wear long pants and wear my hair down to pre-school until my scars were gone. Needless to say this particular incident caused my mom to get enough courage to leave my so called dad.

Sadly this happens to many kids everyday. I consider myself one of the lucky ones who was able to get myself out of such pain. You see, when a child kneels beside his or her bed and prays that no one will hurt them anymore during the night, and asks themselves "if anyone would really love them, we all cry out for help." But if you do not know about all of the Little voices who God hears these words from, how can you help. Well this is your lucky day, because today you will learn how you can help individuals, little kids, ones like me, get through such a terrible time in their lives. I was able to visit a Residential Treatment Center here in Wilmington. It is known as the YAHWEH CENTER. It is located at 1924 Wrightsville Avenue. It is a member of the North Carolina Association of Residential Child Care and Family Services. This center serves children ages infant to 12 years old. It is one of only three such programs in the state and the only one east of Charlotte. The average center child is 6-1/2 years old. These kids were taken from their homes because of physical, emotional, and sexual abuse. In the year of 1996, the Yahweh Center had to turn away 200 children because of the space of their facility. At this apparent time the center can only house six children but by the year of 2000, they will have a larger facility to help lots more children who need a helping hand. As these six children become emotionally healthier through treatment at the Yahweh Center, plans are made for permanent placements. The length of stay at the center has improved and the current average of stay is around ten months. Some children require longer stays due to legal reasons, type of abuse, or trauma. The longest time a child has stayed at the Yahweh Center is for four years.

You may ask what is the Yahweh Center's outcome statistics. They were able to share with me that in the last two years, 100% of all children discharged are experiencing successful placements. And 40% of the children went back home with their biological families. The other 60% were adopted. The Yahweh Center specializes in "sexually reactive" children, which means children who have suffered sexual abuse and in turn act out sexually with other children or at least have the potential if not treated to offend children or peers. Some of the center's children have suffered from severe physical abuse as well. Did you know that 99% have drugs or alcohol in their family system and have been abused while parents are under the influence.

Here in Wilmington we are also blessed with a Domestic Violence Shelter and Services, Inc. This is located at P.O. Box 1555 Wilmington, NC. 28402. After speaking on the telephone with one of the helpers at the shelter, I found out that on an average night last year, 480 women and children found refuge in one of the North Carolina's domestic violence shelters. The one found here in Wilmington, served over 1,000 women and 400 children in 1996. They provided emergency shelter, free counseling, court accompaniment, a Children's Program, support groups and other assistance. These are children who are suffering also with their mothers from abuse. Where as the Yahweh Center serves only children, the Domestic Violence Shelter serves both women and children.

Children can be abused emotionally, physically, sexually, neglected, or witnessing parent being abused. I suffered from also watching my mother being beaten. Statistics show that there is growing evidence that children who see their mother beaten does more damage to the child than actually being beaten themselves. Experts are not sure why this is but Richard Gelles, Director of the Family Violence Research Program at the University of Rhode Island says, "it may be because they are traumatized because of their powerlessness to intervene." Problems that can develop from witnessing a parent being abused are discipline problems, poor school performance, trouble getting along with other children, and substance abuse. Children may also exhibit high levels of fear, anxiety, loneliness, depression, low self-esteem, and suicidal tendencies. Children of such violence can be affected in many different ways, some are able to cope better than others. The effects depend on several factors. You have to consider how old you were at the time of the abuse, How long it went on, And if you had someone supportive for you to talk to.

I also wanted to see how much information the Internet provided about child abuse so I went and found several areas of information. I pulled up a statistical data form on the county of Montgomery. I found that in the year of 1996, 527 were abused sexually, 1,187 children were abused physically, and 1,854 children were abused by neglect. Montgomery County Children Services helped 7,424 families and 17,818 children in crisis during 1996. The agency received 29,275 telephone calls last year from the community regarding families and children in crisis. There were 652 children removed from their homes by area law enforcement and the courts during 1996. The children were placed in the protective custody of Children Services and provided a safe environment with relatives or in foster homes.

I hope I have hit a nerve today by telling a true story of my abusive nightmare. You see, it can happen to anyone, the ones you least expect it to. I realize that we as college students do not have all the time in the world to volunteer, but the Yahweh Center is always willing and open to those who want to make a difference. Just remember that the future is a mixed blessing. I thank God for the miracle he gave me and also for the miracles which He continues to perform each and every day. Please get out there and make a friend with someone like me. These children could use some love and happiness in their lives. Become a loving friend.

Brandi Mohiser, BLM 8991